1 000:05,831 --> 00:00:08,394 -She'll make a great Queen one day... 2 00:00:09,751 --> 00:00:12,839 ... as you will, very soon, Diana. 3 00:00:14,461 --> 00:00:16,519 -Papa, please don’t talk like that. 4 00:00:17,439 --> 00:00:19,267 You’re gonna get better; I know it. 5 00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:21,564 -You must be strong. 6 00:00:22,716 --> 00:00:24,962 I fear my time is very near... 7 00:00:26,328 --> 00:00:27,959 ... and it’s important that... 8 00:00:28,004 --> 00:00:32,391 ... the transition between my rule and yours go smoothly. 9 00:00:34,173 --> 00:00:36,445 -I’m ready to do whatever’s needed of me. 10 00:00:37,728 --> 00:00:39,391 -I’ve sent for Xena. 11 00:00:39,921 --> 00:00:41,679 In difficult times like these, it’s... 12 00:00:42,416 --> 00:00:45,440 ... good to have mighty friends close at hand. 13 00:00:47,317 --> 00:00:49,179 -And who’s mightier than Xena? 14 00:00:49,512 --> 00:00:54,141 -I was the one chosen to fight Callisto because if there’s anyone mightier than Xena... 15 00:00:54,256 --> 00:00:56,103 ... it’s Joxer the Magnificent. 16 00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,710 So, I challenged Callisto to pit her strength against mine. 17 00:01:00,448 --> 00:01:02,477 She was a little hesitant at first, understandably. 18 00:01:02,861 --> 00:01:04,149 But then she came at me. 19 00:01:04,309 --> 00:01:07,698 And I parried, dodged, dodged, thrust, parried, parried! 20 00:01:07,795 --> 00:01:09,371 And I spun around to, to... 21 00:01:10,206 --> 00:01:11,050 Hi, Gaby. 22 00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:13,527 -Go ahead... I’d love to hear the rest. 23 00:01:14,219 --> 00:01:14,928 -To, ah... 24 00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:18,405 ... call Xena to dispatch the villaness, which she did... 25 00:01:18,935 --> 00:01:21,505 ... while I held off the other members of Callisto’s gang. 26 00:01:22,231 --> 00:01:24,130 -You know, I don’t remember it that way. 27 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,768 -Well, that’s because you were tied up at the time. 28 00:01:27,069 --> 00:01:28,711 -So were you. 29 00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,476 What are you doing here? 30 00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:35,212 -I heard that King Lias was dying and he sent for Xena. 31 00:01:35,213 --> 00:01:36,928 So I thought I might be of some help. 32 00:01:37,266 --> 00:01:40,184 -I don’t think so, but I’ll be sure to ask her when I see her. 33 00:01:40,436 --> 00:01:42,647 -I already talked to her. She’s heading to the castle. 34 00:01:42,648 --> 00:01:45,182 She told me to give her a little time to settle in, and that I should follow. 35 00:01:45,183 --> 00:01:47,896 -What are you talking about? Xena’s in Thebes. 36 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,712 The message she sent to me said that she wouldn’t be her till tomorrow. 37 00:01:50,942 --> 00:01:52,953 -Wrong! She was here an hour ago. 38 00:01:53,152 --> 00:01:55,367 -Now, how could she get here so fast? -I don't know! 39 00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:57,465 But she was definitely here. 40 00:02:00,837 --> 00:02:02,450 -I guess I better hurry up to catch up with her. 41 00:02:02,691 --> 00:02:04,243 -Yeah, and tell her not to worry. 42 00:02:04,936 --> 00:02:07,861 I could tell when we parted company this morning, that she was gonna miss my affections. 43 00:02:13,485 --> 00:02:14,684 What’d you do that for?! 44 00:02:14,975 --> 00:02:18,418 -That’s Xena’s reputation you’re playing with. And that’s going too far. 45 00:02:22,415 --> 00:02:24,788 -So anyway, there I was, on the parapet. 46 00:02:42,315 --> 00:02:43,294 -Xena. 47 00:02:44,406 --> 00:02:46,214 -Diana. -Welcome. 48 00:02:50,726 --> 00:02:53,155 Thank you for coming. We didn’t expect you so soon. 49 00:02:53,156 --> 00:02:54,700 -Well, I made good time. 50 00:02:54,830 --> 00:02:56,486 I want you to meet Agis, uh... 51 00:02:56,621 --> 00:03:00,739 He was once the advisor to King Cabnus of Thebes. I trust him completely. 52 00:03:01,082 --> 00:03:04,156 He’ll be a great help to us all in these difficult times. 53 00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:08,274 -If Xena trusts you, I trust you. Welcome, sir. 54 00:03:08,461 --> 00:03:09,953 -I’m honored, your Highness. 55 00:03:10,813 --> 00:03:11,731 -How’s the King? 56 00:03:13,074 --> 00:03:14,352 -He’s not well, Xena. 57 00:03:14,623 --> 00:03:18,690 -Oh... well, I’m sorry to hear that. We’ll get through this together. 58 00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:24,845 -Hello, Princess. -Gabrielle, welcome. 59 00:03:26,618 --> 00:03:28,569 I’ll have rooms prepared for you all. 60 00:03:28,771 --> 00:03:29,642 Guard! 61 00:03:30,912 --> 00:03:32,209 Stay with Xena. 62 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:35,405 Her commands are to be obeyed as though they came from the King himself. 63 00:03:35,639 --> 00:03:36,859 -Yes, your Highness. 64 00:03:39,634 --> 00:03:41,662 -We need to work on communication, here. 65 00:03:41,878 --> 00:03:43,930 I thought you said we were gonna meet at the tavern tomorrow. 66 00:03:44,110 --> 00:03:46,460 And what happened with Joxer to make him think you were in love with him? 67 00:03:46,715 --> 00:03:49,550 You have to watch what you say to this guy. He’s a little crazy. 68 00:03:49,551 --> 00:03:52,800 He had this whole bar thinking you were some kind of low-life tramp. 69 00:03:53,101 --> 00:03:53,950 -Guard! 70 00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:57,294 Throw this big-mouthed idiot in the dungeon! 71 00:03:58,696 --> 00:03:59,935 -Big-mouthed idiot? 72 00:04:00,097 --> 00:04:01,870 Xena... Xena! 73 00:04:02,671 --> 00:04:03,618 Xena!! 74 00:05:19,875 --> 00:05:21,403 -Ain’t you ever heard of knockin? 75 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,698 Hey, that’s no way to treat a Warrior Princess. 76 00:05:26,699 --> 00:05:29,159 -Let me remind you of reality, Meg. 77 00:05:29,692 --> 00:05:34,628 You’re a filthy tramp that I fished out of the gutter because you look like Xena and Diana. 78 00:05:34,893 --> 00:05:38,237 You’re useful to me only if you’re a convincing thespian. 79 00:05:38,884 --> 00:05:40,879 -You never said nothing about no kinky stuff. 80 00:05:41,693 --> 00:05:44,367 Besides, I pulled it off so far today. -Oh, not quite. 81 00:05:44,797 --> 00:05:47,764 You ordered Xena’s best friend thrown into a dungeon. 82 00:05:48,176 --> 00:05:49,915 -Oh, that the irritating blonde? 83 00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:52,795 I can’t see how Xena can put up with her. 84 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,590 Don’t worry, I’ll fix it. 85 00:05:55,904 --> 00:05:57,163 -Yes, you will. 86 00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,880 Because you’re going to do exactly what I say. 87 00:06:01,643 --> 00:06:02,596 -Fine. 88 00:06:06,778 --> 00:06:10,492 This place is nice, but I bet Diana has a real comfy set-up. 89 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,461 When do I get to be her? 90 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:15,130 -When it’s apporpriate to make the switch... 91 00:06:15,712 --> 00:06:16,721 ... very soon. 92 00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:20,669 I want you acting as the Princess when Lias dies. 93 00:06:21,483 --> 00:06:25,050 That way you can turn the control of the army over to me right away. 94 00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:27,557 Once I have command of the army... 95 00:06:27,885 --> 00:06:31,438 ... I can launch an attack on Miridias and sell their citizens into slavery. 96 00:06:32,470 --> 00:06:36,631 And that will only be the beginning of a series of conquests. 97 00:06:37,393 --> 00:06:38,847 -Hey, Aggie, come here! 98 00:06:45,511 --> 00:06:47,173 Look what the round thing does. 99 00:06:49,057 --> 00:06:51,860 -A chakram is a weapon... not a toy! 100 00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:55,863 -Well, what kind of damage would a cheap wooden thing do anyway? 101 00:06:56,841 --> 00:06:58,337 Ah, look, you broke it! 102 00:06:58,612 --> 00:07:01,256 -Fix it, put it back on your belt, and leave it there! 103 00:07:03,051 --> 00:07:05,806 You need to visit Xena’s little friend. 104 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,792 -Big-mouthed idiot. 105 00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:10,657 Maybe it’s a code. Maybe it means something. 106 00:07:11,418 --> 00:07:12,946 Maybe, I’m gonna kill her. 107 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,501 -Open up. -Yes, Xena. 108 00:07:24,134 --> 00:07:27,037 -You had better have a pretty good explanation for this. 109 00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:29,321 -Gabrielle, it’s all part of the plan. 110 00:07:29,322 --> 00:07:31,719 -Well, will you tell me what the plan is? -Can't. 111 00:07:32,592 --> 00:07:35,239 -Oh, so I’m just supposed to accept being thrown into a dungeon... 112 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,888 ... and you won’t tell me what the plan is? 113 00:07:37,171 --> 00:07:41,279 -Gabrielle, have you ever had burning splinters shoved under your fingernails? 114 00:07:42,022 --> 00:07:42,854 -No. 115 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,299 -I thought as much. 116 00:07:46,843 --> 00:07:52,051 You see, the man we’re after is known to extract information using that method. 117 00:07:52,475 --> 00:07:54,664 So the less you know, the safer you’ll be. 118 00:07:55,171 --> 00:07:57,970 -If he captures me, he doesn’t know that I don’t know anything. 119 00:07:58,146 --> 00:08:00,306 He’s still going to put splinters under my fingernails! 120 00:08:01,155 --> 00:08:02,747 -All the more reason why you should stay here. 121 00:08:04,465 --> 00:08:06,946 You’re less likely to fall into his clutches that way. 122 00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,602 -I can take care of myself! 123 00:08:08,873 --> 00:08:11,923 Now why are you treating me like a kid? I thought we were passed that. 124 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,156 -Well, we’re not. 125 00:08:15,253 --> 00:08:18,146 Oh, and, ah... don’t try to contact Diana... 126 00:08:18,967 --> 00:08:20,709 You’ll only put her in danger. 127 00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:26,986 She’ll stay quiet. 128 00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:28,995 -Good. 129 00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:30,289 -Hey, Aggie. 130 00:08:32,351 --> 00:08:34,459 -My name’s Agis. 131 00:08:34,670 --> 00:08:36,678 -Well, what do we do when the real Xena gets here? 132 00:08:37,595 --> 00:08:39,604 -She won’t. 133 00:08:56,358 --> 00:08:57,701 -There she is. 134 00:09:03,763 --> 00:09:06,158 -How’s about you and me have some fun? 135 00:09:07,395 --> 00:09:08,410 -No, thanks. 136 00:09:09,658 --> 00:09:11,762 -So now you’re playing hard to get. 137 00:09:20,311 --> 00:09:23,463 -Have you seen a young woman, carrying a staff, about this high? 138 00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:25,050 -She left yesterday. 139 00:09:25,529 --> 00:09:30,122 But there’s no reason why you should be lonely, when there’s healthy young men like us around. 140 00:09:31,147 --> 00:09:32,221 Give us a kiss. 141 00:09:34,358 --> 00:09:35,561 -There she is! 142 00:09:39,909 --> 00:09:41,536 -Give me something strong. 143 00:09:50,766 --> 00:09:53,017 Well, I take it you’re not looking for a kiss. 144 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,147 -No. 145 00:09:54,711 --> 00:09:55,926 I want your heart. 146 00:09:57,317 --> 00:09:59,065 -You’re not my type. 147 00:10:13,257 --> 00:10:14,375 -So, Xena... 148 00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:17,505 How’s about that kiss, huh? 149 00:10:54,704 --> 00:10:55,878 -The name’s Xena. 150 00:10:56,666 --> 00:10:58,247 That’s Xena with a capital... 151 00:10:58,763 --> 00:10:59,743 ... Z. 152 00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:38,318 -Are you all right? -Yes, I was ah... 153 00:11:38,624 --> 00:11:40,640 I was just practicing my new punch. 154 00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:48,112 [-I’m only gonna say this one more time: I’m a close personal friend of Xena’s.] 155 00:11:49,253 --> 00:11:52,820 Listen, road block, step aside! 156 00:11:54,009 --> 00:11:55,807 -You’re not getting into this castle... 157 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,984 So, be smart and walk away while you still can. 158 00:12:01,492 --> 00:12:03,308 -You still don’t know who you’re dealing with, do you? 159 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:04,831 Don’t make me hurt you. 160 00:12:07,425 --> 00:12:08,342 -Guard?! 161 00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,687 It’s all right... He’s with me. 162 00:12:19,362 --> 00:12:21,825 -You’re a very lucky man. 163 00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:49,437 -Come in. 164 00:12:56,412 --> 00:12:57,877 Have a seat. 165 00:13:10,097 --> 00:13:11,468 What’s the matter? 166 00:13:11,522 --> 00:13:15,006 -Listen, Xena, I’ve been thinking a lot about something Gabrielle said to me. 167 00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:17,494 -What did that little brat say? -No, listen, Xena. 168 00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:19,565 I've... I've been sullying your reputation around town. 169 00:13:20,846 --> 00:13:22,135 -What are you talking about? 170 00:13:22,274 --> 00:13:25,543 -Listen, Xena, I told a bar-room full of guys how intimate you and I got! 171 00:13:26,157 --> 00:13:28,753 -Well, there’s nothing wrong with a little publicity. 172 00:13:28,754 --> 00:13:31,685 -A little pub... Oh, no, no, no, Xena. Listen... Listen! I... 173 00:13:32,493 --> 00:13:35,093 I don’t deserve you as a lover. 174 00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:37,793 -You’re kidding, right? 175 00:13:39,848 --> 00:13:42,890 Look, don’t listen to anything Gabrielle says... 176 00:13:42,891 --> 00:13:45,441 I’m seriously considering having her executed. -What?! 177 00:13:45,442 --> 00:13:47,061 No, no, listen, listen! 178 00:13:47,062 --> 00:13:49,400 I’m wrecking one of the great friendships! Now... 179 00:13:50,157 --> 00:13:55,403 OK, OK... one of us has to be strong and it’s... 180 00:13:56,048 --> 00:13:59,047 Listen, so I’ll be outside your window, should you need my sword at your service. 181 00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:06,505 -I need your sword in my service right now. 182 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,800 -My sword, service... Yes, uh... 183 00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:09,695 Look! 184 00:14:11,913 --> 00:14:14,022 What am I, nuts, going in there?! 185 00:14:16,031 --> 00:14:17,882 -What a lovely man. 186 00:14:22,969 --> 00:14:26,455 -OK, OK. Be strong. 187 00:14:27,622 --> 00:14:31,022 Be strong. You’re Joxer. You’re Joxer the Magnificent! 188 00:14:31,232 --> 00:14:32,906 You’re Joxer. You’re... 189 00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:35,679 ... lost. 190 00:14:41,008 --> 00:14:42,842 Oh, this is madness. 191 00:14:43,088 --> 00:14:46,028 Do you really think a different dress will weaken my manly resolve? 192 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,267 You’re right. 193 00:14:55,336 --> 00:14:57,340 -Xena’s kind of unpredictable, isn’t she? 194 00:14:57,888 --> 00:14:59,314 -You’re telling me. 195 00:15:23,435 --> 00:15:24,606 -How’d she get out here? 196 00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:41,860 -Diana, we have a real problem here. 197 00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:47,103 I was attacked in a tavern by a band of thugs... Someone who obviously didn’t want me to get here. 198 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,717 Someone who wanted to... 199 00:15:49,301 --> 00:15:51,280 ... take advantage of the king’s illness. 200 00:15:51,432 --> 00:15:52,556 We have to... -Xena! 201 00:15:54,074 --> 00:15:55,929 I just came from seeing my father. 202 00:15:56,653 --> 00:15:58,057 He’s slipping away. 203 00:15:59,879 --> 00:16:01,956 Can’t we talk about this later? 204 00:16:02,444 --> 00:16:03,543 -Sure... 205 00:16:04,285 --> 00:16:06,711 I’ll talk to Philemon about making the castle secure. 206 00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:09,817 I’ll be here if you need me. 207 00:16:19,825 --> 00:16:20,998 -Hey, Aggie... 208 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:24,275 I thought you said she wasn’t gonna make it to the party. 209 00:16:24,276 --> 00:16:26,664 -Obviously, something went wrong. 210 00:16:26,923 --> 00:16:29,628 -Well, you’d better be careful; she looks tough. 211 00:16:30,879 --> 00:16:32,117 How’d you like the tears? 212 00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:33,118 -Nice touch... 213 00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:36,388 You know what to do with her. 214 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,023 -Wait a minute. 215 00:16:47,024 --> 00:16:50,714 So, Diana and Xena are exact lookalikes? -Right! 216 00:16:51,757 --> 00:16:53,558 -Great! I insulted royalty. 217 00:16:54,074 --> 00:16:55,318 I’m in big trouble. 218 00:16:56,442 --> 00:16:58,890 But on the bright side, Xena still has a thing for me. 219 00:16:59,107 --> 00:17:00,066 -Impossible! 220 00:17:01,142 --> 00:17:03,255 No offense, Joxer, but you’re just not her type. 221 00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:06,063 -Well, she was certainy making do with my type. 222 00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,186 Let me tell you what we did in that tavern. 223 00:17:08,439 --> 00:17:09,543 She gave me this. 224 00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:10,675 That ain’t all. 225 00:17:10,908 --> 00:17:12,850 -No! No... That's not necessary. 226 00:17:13,271 --> 00:17:14,959 I wish I knew what was wrong with her. 227 00:17:14,987 --> 00:17:17,578 -Well, it’s simple, really. She was struck by Cupid’s arrow. 228 00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:18,821 It’s love, Gabrielle. 229 00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:20,656 But, don’t worry. I’m prepared to do the honorable thing. 230 00:17:20,961 --> 00:17:21,671 -Leave? 231 00:17:21,806 --> 00:17:23,187 -No... Marry her! 232 00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:24,539 We could all travel around together. 233 00:17:24,747 --> 00:17:26,701 Xena and I could be like a father and mother to you. 234 00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:28,759 -Guards!! 235 00:17:29,436 --> 00:17:32,680 Please! Please! Please! I’ve got to get out of here! 236 00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:38,030 -Xena told me all about the plan. 237 00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:40,468 -What is the plan? -Can’t say, but, uh... 238 00:17:40,608 --> 00:17:41,962 ... you’ll have to stay here. 239 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:46,459 And she also explained that little misunderstanding between you and I. 240 00:17:46,606 --> 00:17:49,106 -Forgive me, you’re Highness... I’m lower than rat droppings. 241 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:50,500 -Oh, of course! 242 00:17:50,643 --> 00:17:52,985 It was just an honest mistake. 243 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:54,833 Now, come with me. 244 00:17:56,887 --> 00:17:59,411 Sorry, remember the plan? 245 00:17:59,857 --> 00:18:00,851 -What is the plan? 246 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:03,023 -I’ll tell you out here. -Oh, good. 247 00:18:03,197 --> 00:18:05,588 -You’re gonna tell Joxer, but you’re not gonna tell me? 248 00:18:05,768 --> 00:18:06,863 -Xena’s orders. 249 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,261 She’s very fond of him, you know? 250 00:18:20,635 --> 00:18:22,164 -Wait, what’s the plan? 251 00:18:26,226 --> 00:18:28,279 That’s the plan? -What do you think? 252 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,261 -Good plan. 253 00:18:29,498 --> 00:18:30,568 -Your Highness. 254 00:18:32,793 --> 00:18:34,977 Your Highness, it is time for the baby’s nap. 255 00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:38,458 Now, you know how she can’t drift off unless you sing a lullabye to her. 256 00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:41,175 -All right, all right. 257 00:18:41,176 --> 00:18:43,741 Just, go on up to the nursery and I’ll catch up with you there. 258 00:18:48,642 --> 00:18:51,030 Wait for me in my room; I won’t be long. 259 00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:59,921 -If one of those bottles should happen to fall, 63 bottles of beer on the wall. 260 00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:04,134 63 bottles of beer on the wall, 63 bottles of beer. 261 00:19:04,558 --> 00:19:07,169 If one of those bottles should happen to fall... 262 00:19:08,076 --> 00:19:10,287 ... 43 bottles of beer on the wall. 263 00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:14,460 -You’re mad... you devil. 264 00:19:15,648 --> 00:19:18,424 Oh, Joxer, why should you deny yourself to these needy women? 265 00:19:19,749 --> 00:19:20,689 -Joxer? 266 00:19:23,035 --> 00:19:24,658 What are you doing here? 267 00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,676 -I hate to tell you this, Xena, but... 268 00:19:29,278 --> 00:19:30,810 All right, I might as well spit it out. 269 00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:33,222 Princess Diana wants me. 270 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:34,873 -She what? 271 00:19:35,682 --> 00:19:39,970 -Listen, I can see the pain on your face, but really, there’s plenty of me to go around. 272 00:19:40,538 --> 00:19:43,997 And um... there’s no reason why we can’t be adults about this and have a little fun. 273 00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:48,601 -Are you suicidal? 274 00:19:49,157 --> 00:19:51,196 -Oh... don’t worry, Xena. 275 00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:55,276 I got just what you need... and plenty of it, too. 276 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:04,391 -You got some explaining to do and you can start by telling me where Gabrielle is. 277 00:20:04,689 --> 00:20:06,370 -In the dungeon, where you put her! 278 00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:08,729 -What? [-Get in here!] 279 00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:13,282 -What’s the gripe, Aggie? 280 00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:15,463 I’ve done everything just like you said. -And more! 281 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,578 Try staying away from that clown, Joxer. 282 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,518 -I think he’s cute. 283 00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:22,291 -You better not mess this up. 284 00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:24,682 -Look who’s talking. -What does that mean? 285 00:20:25,005 --> 00:20:27,723 -You were supposed to keep the real Xena away from here. 286 00:20:27,724 --> 00:20:30,337 Last time I looked, she was making herself quite at home. 287 00:20:30,714 --> 00:20:32,809 You should hire better people, Aggie. 288 00:20:33,859 --> 00:20:37,007 -Don’t you talk to me that way. 289 00:20:37,796 --> 00:20:42,186 A despiccable slag like you should find it an honor to work with a man like me. 290 00:20:42,769 --> 00:20:47,444 And my name is Agis... not Aggie. 291 00:20:48,374 --> 00:20:49,523 -Take it easy now, Agis. 292 00:20:49,524 --> 00:20:52,080 -And you’re gonna do exactly like I say from now on. 293 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:53,516 Correct? 294 00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,233 -Exactly. 295 00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:57,053 -Good. 296 00:20:58,041 --> 00:21:00,477 Well, don’t just stand there, move it! 297 00:21:09,575 --> 00:21:12,177 -Come on, Warrior Princess. Take that! 298 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,325 I know what the plan is. 299 00:21:17,704 --> 00:21:20,007 You’re trying to drive me insane!! 300 00:21:20,277 --> 00:21:21,243 -Let’s go. 301 00:21:29,077 --> 00:21:30,075 -Now, wait a minute. 302 00:21:30,306 --> 00:21:33,469 OK, I believe you when you say that there’s another look-alike here. 303 00:21:33,470 --> 00:21:35,161 That would explain everything. 304 00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:37,690 But how do I know that you’re the real Xena? 305 00:21:37,691 --> 00:21:40,272 -Yeah, how do we know you’re the real Xena? 306 00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:54,344 -Hello, Xena. 307 00:21:54,961 --> 00:21:56,088 Boy, am I glad to see you. 308 00:21:56,089 --> 00:21:58,748 -Let’s split up and search the castle... they may have hidden Diana here. 309 00:21:58,749 --> 00:22:00,027 -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... 310 00:22:00,082 --> 00:22:02,614 How am I supposed to know who the real Diana is? 311 00:22:03,062 --> 00:22:05,973 -Well, if you come across a woman and she looks exactly like me... 312 00:22:05,974 --> 00:22:08,646 ... and she displays any interest in you whatsoever as a man... 313 00:22:08,746 --> 00:22:10,316 ... that’s the bad one. 314 00:22:11,625 --> 00:22:13,180 -She is bad. 315 00:22:14,547 --> 00:22:16,112 Real bad. 316 00:22:24,053 --> 00:22:25,818 -Alcibiades! -Meg? 317 00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:27,641 -Yeah, of course, it’s me. 318 00:22:28,084 --> 00:22:29,256 Look what I found. 319 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,103 We found her snooping around. 320 00:22:33,433 --> 00:22:36,140 Agis wants you to take her to the same place you’re hiding Diana. 321 00:22:36,281 --> 00:22:38,715 And that way we’ll have two cards to play against Xena. 322 00:22:39,499 --> 00:22:41,273 -All right, hand me the rope. 323 00:22:41,716 --> 00:22:44,055 -Hey... I wanna come too. 324 00:22:44,552 --> 00:22:46,192 Xena’s figured this whole thing out. 325 00:22:46,249 --> 00:22:48,002 I don’t want to be around her any more. 326 00:22:48,459 --> 00:22:50,045 I’m terrified of that warrior witch. 327 00:22:50,538 --> 00:22:52,974 And you know, maybe if you take me along, then... 328 00:22:53,449 --> 00:22:55,554 ... we can relax a little later on. 329 00:23:01,543 --> 00:23:02,466 -Sorry... 330 00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:04,691 Had to make sure you weren’t Xena. 331 00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:09,176 Bring her along. 332 00:23:26,909 --> 00:23:27,965 -Hey, boys! 333 00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:38,273 -All right! 334 00:23:40,722 --> 00:23:43,140 -How’re you doing, Princess? -Not well. 335 00:23:43,792 --> 00:23:46,695 I’ll probably be dead soon. -Why's that? 336 00:23:47,508 --> 00:23:50,288 -Well, I’ve been sitting on this cold ground almost the entire day... 337 00:23:50,289 --> 00:23:51,617 Who could survive that? 338 00:23:51,618 --> 00:23:53,814 -A cold bottom isn’t fatal. -Says you. 339 00:23:53,922 --> 00:23:59,273 -No, but if I have to listen to you two blabber any more, somebody’s gonna end up seriously dead. 340 00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:01,183 Hey, boys! 341 00:24:01,877 --> 00:24:04,025 Let’s toy with the brat a while. 342 00:24:43,933 --> 00:24:47,570 -If we can put Meg on the throne, we will control the most powerful army in Boecia. 343 00:24:47,895 --> 00:24:50,997 Conquests you never dreamed of are in our grasp. 344 00:24:51,692 --> 00:24:55,347 And you lead Xena directly to our hideout. 345 00:24:55,630 --> 00:24:57,206 -What are we going to do about Xena? 346 00:24:57,974 --> 00:25:01,589 Now that she has Diana, there’s nothing stopping her from coming after you. 347 00:25:02,365 --> 00:25:05,956 -There’s still one card left to play. 348 00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:16,230 -My baby! 349 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,031 They took my baby! 350 00:25:26,055 --> 00:25:28,347 -This chamber is known only to the royal family. 351 00:25:28,348 --> 00:25:31,662 -Good. I want you and Philemon to stay here until we can find your baby. 352 00:25:31,877 --> 00:25:35,162 -You can’t expect me just to wait down here, when my child’s life is in danger. 353 00:25:35,392 --> 00:25:37,142 -Your life is in danger, too. 354 00:25:37,377 --> 00:25:39,842 Philemon, I am asking you to have faith in me. 355 00:25:40,576 --> 00:25:42,815 This plan is our only way to save your child. 356 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,590 -Then we’ll stay down here. 357 00:25:45,727 --> 00:25:48,011 Philemon, we have to trust Xena now. 358 00:25:48,770 --> 00:25:49,999 She’s our only hope. 359 00:25:51,571 --> 00:25:54,046 -Gabrielle, I want you to find Meg and keep her in one place. 360 00:25:54,047 --> 00:25:56,085 I'll do the rest. -Right. 361 00:25:58,043 --> 00:25:58,931 -Please... 362 00:26:07,241 --> 00:26:08,449 -Got you, sweety! 363 00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:13,593 Hi, Xena. 364 00:26:13,882 --> 00:26:16,368 -Sorry, Joxer... just a habit. 365 00:26:17,177 --> 00:26:18,142 -That’s OK. 366 00:26:18,399 --> 00:26:20,847 I’ve been keeping an eye out for you for the fake Diana. 367 00:26:21,268 --> 00:26:24,924 -Her name’s Meg. -Meg, huh? That’s a pretty name. 368 00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:27,118 -You’re not falling for her, are you? 369 00:26:27,332 --> 00:26:29,080 -Well, I’ve seen a different side of her. 370 00:26:29,517 --> 00:26:30,797 -I bet you have. 371 00:26:31,085 --> 00:26:33,390 -Hey, listen, I think she’s just a victim of circumstance. 372 00:26:33,391 --> 00:26:36,120 -She’ll be a victim of some more circumstances when I get my hands on her. 373 00:26:36,121 --> 00:26:38,884 And don’t bother keeping an eye on her anymore. 374 00:26:39,135 --> 00:26:40,562 I’ve got Gabrielle on that. 375 00:26:40,742 --> 00:26:42,950 -Oh, you think she can do a better job than I can. 376 00:26:43,153 --> 00:26:44,913 -This is not a competition. 377 00:26:44,914 --> 00:26:47,846 -You think that I’m a complete joke, don’t you? 378 00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:54,208 -Princess, may I talk to you, please? 379 00:26:54,529 --> 00:26:57,301 -Can’t it wait? -No, it can't. 380 00:27:07,107 --> 00:27:09,407 -Yeah, a little more cleavage couldn’t hurt. 381 00:27:16,283 --> 00:27:19,320 Get out of my way. -Over my dead body. 382 00:27:20,527 --> 00:27:22,360 -That can be arranged. 383 00:27:33,144 --> 00:27:34,821 Eat some fruit, baby! 384 00:27:59,946 --> 00:28:00,892 Mercy... 385 00:28:01,341 --> 00:28:02,503 Mercy... 386 00:28:03,928 --> 00:28:05,068 Please... 387 00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:07,600 -Tears are no good with me! 388 00:28:10,338 --> 00:28:11,580 -Look at you... 389 00:28:12,668 --> 00:28:14,013 ... looking down at me. 390 00:28:16,676 --> 00:28:18,173 Ah, that’s all right. 391 00:28:18,770 --> 00:28:20,161 I’m used to it. 392 00:28:23,768 --> 00:28:26,723 Snotty brats like you always hate girls like me. 393 00:28:26,877 --> 00:28:29,036 -What do you expect with what you’ve been doing? 394 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,280 -What was I supposed to do? 395 00:28:31,625 --> 00:28:34,007 Agis said that he’d kill me if I didn’t do everything he said. 396 00:28:34,691 --> 00:28:36,780 -I suppose none of this is your fault, is it? 397 00:28:37,844 --> 00:28:39,164 -I didn’t say that. 398 00:28:39,556 --> 00:28:40,754 It’s all my fault. 399 00:28:40,755 --> 00:28:43,022 My whole stinkin’ life’s my fault. 400 00:28:44,785 --> 00:28:47,435 -You know, I shouldn’t feel for you, but you just... 401 00:28:47,436 --> 00:28:49,366 ... you look so much like my best friend. 402 00:28:49,617 --> 00:28:51,065 -I don’t want your pity. 403 00:28:52,002 --> 00:28:54,247 I’ve been on my own since I was 10 years old. 404 00:28:54,322 --> 00:28:56,072 I’m tougher inside than you’ll ever be. 405 00:28:56,555 --> 00:28:57,750 -Since you were 10? 406 00:28:58,022 --> 00:29:00,041 -My father died in childbirth. 407 00:29:00,832 --> 00:29:02,789 -Your "father" died in childbirth. 408 00:29:04,109 --> 00:29:08,013 -Yeah, he got drunk and fell off the roof when I was being born. 409 00:29:08,338 --> 00:29:10,879 I always wondered what it would be like to have a father. 410 00:29:12,174 --> 00:29:13,780 Bet you had a good father. 411 00:29:14,328 --> 00:29:16,757 -Yeah, I... I guess I did. 412 00:29:17,180 --> 00:29:18,442 But what about your mother? 413 00:29:19,978 --> 00:29:22,084 -One of her boyfriends liked me too much. 414 00:29:22,650 --> 00:29:24,306 So I ran away from home. 415 00:29:24,717 --> 00:29:26,614 And then I found out the next year that... 416 00:29:27,357 --> 00:29:28,778 ... that she had died and... 417 00:29:29,826 --> 00:29:32,923 ... and I was real sorry that I hadn’t gone back to say goodbye. 418 00:29:34,266 --> 00:29:36,155 She was a rotten mother, you know? 419 00:29:36,717 --> 00:29:38,007 She was fun. 420 00:29:41,649 --> 00:29:43,492 Anyways, I loved her. 421 00:29:44,865 --> 00:29:46,706 God, I hate it when I get like this. 422 00:29:53,477 --> 00:29:55,043 -This is not a party! 423 00:29:55,489 --> 00:29:58,161 Will you get that into your head while it’s still attached to your shoulders?! 424 00:29:59,584 --> 00:30:02,439 Now that Diana’s on the loose, there’s only one thing to do. 425 00:30:03,313 --> 00:30:04,053 -What’s that? 426 00:30:04,445 --> 00:30:06,004 -Kill the King. 427 00:30:07,059 --> 00:30:09,207 You can’t assume the throne until he’s dead. 428 00:30:10,442 --> 00:30:15,608 As long as we have the baby, Diana and Xena won’t do anything. 429 00:30:16,023 --> 00:30:19,732 Lias is still surrounded by loyal palace guards. 430 00:30:20,950 --> 00:30:22,692 I want you to take him some poison. 431 00:30:22,693 --> 00:30:24,131 -No! -What? 432 00:30:24,595 --> 00:30:26,340 -No, I mean, uh... 433 00:30:26,794 --> 00:30:30,165 Poison is too slow. You can never be sure if it’s going to do the job. 434 00:30:30,846 --> 00:30:32,274 I should... 435 00:30:34,535 --> 00:30:36,623 I should stab him. 436 00:30:37,591 --> 00:30:43,012 I could hide the knife under the baby’s blanket and pretend I was taking the little tyke to see the old buzzard. 437 00:30:43,297 --> 00:30:44,396 -That’s good... 438 00:30:45,020 --> 00:30:46,402 I like that. 439 00:30:47,949 --> 00:30:49,864 Go get the baby. 440 00:31:01,847 --> 00:31:03,475 -Are you all right? -No. 441 00:31:05,685 --> 00:31:07,191 Why haven’t you been to see me? 442 00:31:09,053 --> 00:31:12,116 -Sorry, father, I’ve been bothered by some things. 443 00:31:12,664 --> 00:31:17,265 -Well, nothing can give the last few days of my life more worth... 444 00:31:17,606 --> 00:31:19,399 ... than to be able to comfort you. 445 00:31:22,643 --> 00:31:24,330 -I don’t think you’d understand. 446 00:31:26,257 --> 00:31:32,783 -My sweet, we’ve always shared our hopes, our dreams, our pains. 447 00:31:34,610 --> 00:31:36,382 Don’t draw away from me now. 448 00:31:37,032 --> 00:31:42,177 If your soul has been darkened, let my love bring some light to you. 449 00:31:47,352 --> 00:31:48,554 -Here it is. 450 00:31:54,228 --> 00:31:56,096 -Xena! Let’s take the baby! 451 00:31:56,340 --> 00:31:57,997 -Get the baby out of here. 452 00:31:58,155 --> 00:31:59,859 -The baby! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! 453 00:31:59,860 --> 00:32:01,970 -Hey Meg! He thinks you’re Xena. 454 00:32:02,097 --> 00:32:03,899 Kill the idiot! -No, no, no! 455 00:32:12,362 --> 00:32:13,551 I brought your sword. 456 00:32:13,744 --> 00:32:15,842 -Come on, idiot. -The name’s Joxer! 457 00:32:16,016 --> 00:32:16,891 -Come on! 458 00:32:17,161 --> 00:32:19,010 This way! It’s quicker! 459 00:32:28,105 --> 00:32:29,127 -What are you doing? 460 00:32:30,032 --> 00:32:31,702 It’s me, Meg. 461 00:32:32,223 --> 00:32:32,703 -Then prove it. 462 00:32:34,637 --> 00:32:35,535 Kill him. 463 00:32:47,164 --> 00:32:48,080 -Do it! 464 00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:50,034 Go on! Do it! 465 00:32:50,420 --> 00:32:52,891 You heard me. Kill him, you slag! 466 00:32:53,260 --> 00:32:54,279 Do it! 467 00:32:55,359 --> 00:32:56,111 -No! 468 00:32:57,473 --> 00:32:58,858 And neither will you. 469 00:32:59,249 --> 00:33:01,380 -How dare you? 470 00:33:02,918 --> 00:33:03,720 -Xena! 471 00:33:06,890 --> 00:33:07,655 Duck! 472 00:33:16,422 --> 00:33:17,320 -Missed me! 473 00:33:17,496 --> 00:33:18,537 Missed me again! 474 00:33:24,976 --> 00:33:25,677 Well... 475 00:33:27,175 --> 00:33:28,571 -You’re not my daughter, are you? 476 00:33:28,932 --> 00:33:31,706 -Not officially. -You’re not Xena, either. 477 00:33:32,153 --> 00:33:32,867 -No. 478 00:33:33,157 --> 00:33:34,411 -Amazing. 479 00:33:40,079 --> 00:33:41,672 -You’re on your own now, Pops. 480 00:33:44,995 --> 00:33:46,787 Your little friend just kicked my butt. 481 00:33:47,927 --> 00:33:49,800 What chance do you think I stand against you? 482 00:33:50,084 --> 00:33:51,773 Why don’t you just kill me? 483 00:33:52,891 --> 00:33:54,597 Go on, get it over and done with. 484 00:33:54,742 --> 00:33:57,605 -No, because I want you to stay here and take care of the king. 485 00:33:57,606 --> 00:33:58,340 -No. 486 00:33:58,837 --> 00:34:01,557 No, see, you must not have been paying attention. I’m no good. 487 00:34:01,587 --> 00:34:03,438 -You got the king to safety, I saw you. 488 00:34:03,716 --> 00:34:05,578 -Yeah, well that was my one good deed for the year. 489 00:34:05,911 --> 00:34:08,673 Believe me, you don’t want to be leaving anybody’s life in my hands. 490 00:34:09,660 --> 00:34:10,927 I’m a low-life. 491 00:34:10,928 --> 00:34:12,881 -I don’t care what you’ve done in your past. 492 00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,916 Do good now and you are good. 493 00:34:15,667 --> 00:34:18,394 Lock the door behind me when I leave and cover him up. 494 00:34:18,614 --> 00:34:20,206 A chill now could kill him. 495 00:34:25,231 --> 00:34:26,977 -You look so like my daughter. 496 00:34:27,780 --> 00:34:29,221 It’s remarkable. 497 00:34:29,587 --> 00:34:30,601 -Yes... 498 00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:34,987 Three women who look so much alike and yet inside so different. 499 00:34:35,636 --> 00:34:38,182 One’s a warrior and one’s a Princess and... 500 00:34:40,793 --> 00:34:42,376 ... one’s a tramp. 501 00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:54,579 -Wait, no! 502 00:34:56,484 --> 00:34:58,496 -And then I lived in Athens for a while. 503 00:34:59,554 --> 00:35:01,289 I actually did some honest work there. 504 00:35:01,999 --> 00:35:03,101 I was a cook. 505 00:35:04,940 --> 00:35:08,067 And you know, I have quite a touch when it comes to spices. 506 00:35:08,557 --> 00:35:10,452 You like spicy foods, Kingy? 507 00:35:12,503 --> 00:35:13,901 King Lias? 508 00:35:15,093 --> 00:35:16,370 King Lias! 509 00:35:16,744 --> 00:35:18,301 -Put a rope up on that chandelier! 510 00:35:19,857 --> 00:35:21,033 Tie the basket. 511 00:35:27,499 --> 00:35:29,265 -Hold it right there! 512 00:35:31,910 --> 00:35:33,790 I’m coming to get that baby. 513 00:35:33,791 --> 00:35:37,560 And anyone who tries to stop me is going to eat my sword. 514 00:35:47,508 --> 00:35:48,469 But wait! 515 00:35:49,674 --> 00:35:51,196 I still have my... 516 00:35:52,026 --> 00:35:54,451 ... round killing thing. -It's Diana! 517 00:35:56,326 --> 00:35:57,322 -Get her. 518 00:35:57,493 --> 00:35:59,144 Run that basket up on the rope! 519 00:36:01,777 --> 00:36:04,239 -Just give me back my baby and then you can go in peace! 520 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:05,167 -Tie it off. 521 00:36:07,077 --> 00:36:09,928 Now, we’ll see if she gives us what we need. 522 00:36:11,495 --> 00:36:13,243 -Hold it, right there! 523 00:36:14,958 --> 00:36:20,626 In the blink of an eye I can split the skull of anyone who moves with my trusty... 524 00:36:22,203 --> 00:36:23,969 ... shamrock. 525 00:36:26,401 --> 00:36:28,264 -Grab her. It's Meg! 526 00:36:35,937 --> 00:36:37,506 -Guess which one I am. 527 00:36:43,527 --> 00:36:44,665 Give me that. 528 00:36:54,513 --> 00:36:55,694 -What’s going on? 529 00:37:04,130 --> 00:37:05,227 -Stay down. 530 00:37:21,852 --> 00:37:22,953 -I’m glad that’s over. 531 00:37:47,828 --> 00:37:49,036 -Gab, the baby! 532 00:38:22,671 --> 00:38:23,786 -Hey, Princess! 533 00:38:25,126 --> 00:38:27,069 I just came from seeing your father. 534 00:38:38,143 --> 00:38:39,505 -Which one are you? 535 00:38:39,673 --> 00:38:40,968 -I'm Xena. 536 00:38:45,233 --> 00:38:46,437 -Diana? 537 00:38:48,390 --> 00:38:49,706 -Oh, Papa! 538 00:38:52,046 --> 00:38:53,672 -I sure hope he pulls through. 539 00:38:54,042 --> 00:38:55,274 He’s a good man. 540 00:38:55,390 --> 00:38:57,180 I might even write him from jail... 541 00:38:57,536 --> 00:38:59,337 ... if I knew how to write. 542 00:38:59,968 --> 00:39:02,794 -Well, if it were up to me, I’d give you another chance. 543 00:39:03,177 --> 00:39:04,451 I’d set you free. 544 00:39:05,029 --> 00:39:06,419 -Yeah, you’re a softy. 545 00:39:10,333 --> 00:39:13,052 -He’s going to be fine; he may live on for years yet. 546 00:39:14,027 --> 00:39:15,622 -Meg, he wants to talk to you. 547 00:39:33,176 --> 00:39:35,864 -They told me about the plot you were mixed up in. 548 00:39:37,316 --> 00:39:38,543 You were right. 549 00:39:39,436 --> 00:39:41,653 You’ve done some very bad things. 550 00:39:42,542 --> 00:39:43,713 -Well, I told you. 551 00:39:44,298 --> 00:39:46,153 I’m trash. -Stop it. 552 00:39:47,274 --> 00:39:51,993 I don’t ever want to hear anyone say things like that about my personal cook. 553 00:39:55,244 --> 00:39:57,097 -You’re not kidding me, are you, Kingy? 554 00:39:58,178 --> 00:39:59,348 -Not at all. 555 00:39:59,825 --> 00:40:03,425 Oh, by the way... I do like spices. 556 00:40:03,657 --> 00:40:06,016 -Well, I’m about as spicy as you can get! 557 00:40:09,723 --> 00:40:10,914 Thanks, King Lias. 558 00:40:12,695 --> 00:40:14,081 I won’t let you down. 559 00:40:26,021 --> 00:40:26,970 -So... 560 00:40:28,803 --> 00:40:30,892 So long Xena. -Goodbye, Meg. 561 00:40:31,297 --> 00:40:34,580 -It was fun being you for a while. -Just don’t do it again in a hurry. 562 00:40:35,197 --> 00:40:36,051 -Hey, Meg! 563 00:40:36,275 --> 00:40:39,223 Learn to read so I can write to you. -Yeah, maybe I’ll just do that. 564 00:40:39,631 --> 00:40:43,115 -Get going, get going, get going... 565 00:40:46,122 --> 00:40:47,199 Well, um... 566 00:40:50,524 --> 00:40:51,492 So long, Meg. 567 00:40:52,966 --> 00:40:54,274 -So long, Joxer. 568 00:40:56,169 --> 00:40:58,787 Ditch the broads and double back. I’ll leave the kitchen door open for you. 569 00:40:58,850 --> 00:40:59,560 -Right. 570 00:41:07,662 --> 00:41:10,937 Hey, Xena, Gabrielle! Wait up! 571 00:41:11,754 --> 00:41:15,117 I uh... Listen! I got some things to ah... attend to. 572 00:41:15,118 --> 00:41:17,120 -Fine. -So, I won’t be able to join you. 573 00:41:17,121 --> 00:41:18,533 -That’s OK. -You sure? 574 00:41:18,830 --> 00:41:22,284 ‘Cause I know how much you need a real warrior to watch your back, you know? 575 00:41:22,711 --> 00:41:25,059 -Joxer, she won’t wait forever. 576 00:41:30,159 --> 00:41:33,473 Subtitles created by Eidel (eidelsmynn3@hotmail.com) from the transcript at Whoosh (http://www.whoosh.org/epguide/trans/206trans.html)