Mike The Pea.

Mike the Pea

I'm a little pea, so my friends call me "the pea", Mike the Pea. I love blue skies and green trees in large fields. I hate birds and frozen food, and vegetarian people, of course. I want to live in a world without paellas and salads.

I am round, bright green and small, very small. I live with my four brothers in a very narrow house without bath. So I always have to go outside for a piss. My brothers are William, Billy, Bill and Zebulon, my black brother. I am the prettiest, the smartest and the greenest one of my family.

Mike and his family. From left to right: William, Billy, Bill, Zebulon, Mike, mum and daddy.

My life is simple. I like writing erotic tales and bucolic poetry, because I am sensitive and passionate (Zebulon is the opposite of me). I can't ride a bike, but I play table-tennis like a champion. Sometimes I play poker with my brothers, and Zebulon always wins. I think he is a cheater.

I have a nice job. I am a broker at the Chicago Stock Exchange. I am very good in my job, so my workmates call me "Demolition Pea". I love my workmates, specially Josephine the Potato: she is so beautiful... but she has problems with drinking. My boss, Günther the Cucumber, hates Josephine, but I always send Zebulon to kick his ass. Frankly, I love my job (and Zebulon too).

Last winter I was trapped under the snow for three months. Zebulon told us very strange tales: something about Louisiana, cotton, and Kukumber Klan. I will never stay at home in winter.

My three green brothers are a bit homosexual and Zebulon knows it. I am very " macho " , but I am not a homophobic pea like my brother Zeb. He probably will kill them someday. He is reading the "Art of Slaughtering", a book by Herodes the Onion.

My dreams are: to meet Laura Pausini, to be the first pea in the space, to be the greatest bullfighter in the farm and to meet my true father. Zebulon too.